The 5 Habits of Highly Trusted College & Career Advisors
by Rob Mooring
I had a boss tell me one time that she didn’t understand why parents enjoyed meeting with me so much. It wasn’t a slight at me…I think she genuinely wanted to know what I did to create positive relationships with my students and families. And until she asked, I had never thought about it.
I was probably like all of you. I was too busy to think about how to do the work, because I just had to get the work done. But in this sacred time we have between the end of one school year and the beginning of another, it’s crucial that we think about the art and science of our craft, and how we can get better, no matter how many years we’ve been doing it.
So I made a list of the 5 habits of highly effective college & career advisors, but you should know that it’s almost completely outsourced. I went to all of the counselors I look up to (of which there are many) and asked them. Here is what we came up with:
Stop Telling Kids No
Quick, raise your hand if you had an excellent, top notch high school counselor. I hope that I am wrong, but my guess is that most of us (me included) didn’t raise our hands, and got into this profession because we had a less than stellar experience with our high school counselors. And I can’t tell you how many professionals I’ve met that entered this field because of something discouraging they heard from a college counselor.
So stop being discouraging. I believe in a very firm rule…I am never going to tell a student that they can’t, or should not, apply to a college. If I have a kid in my office who is in the 4th quartile, and they want to apply to a school that admits less than 5% of their applicants, guess what I am going to do? Help them. Just as much as if I was helping them apply to their perfect fit and match college.
I often forget how hard it is to be vulnerable, especially when you are a kid talking to an adult. What if this interaction with you is the first time this student has ever mentioned that they want to apply to that school, or any school for that matter? If you shut them down in the moment, you may shut them down forever.
Our jobs are not to tell a student no. Our jobs are to make sure their list is balanced so that they have options, but don’t be dream crushers. Help them make informed decisions, but don’t crush their spirit.
Let Students Know They Are Enough
One of my biggest problems with our country’s higher education system is that we have changed it from a public good to a luxury brand. I learned this, and many other incredible ideas, from the Frank Bruni classic, Where You Go is Not Who You’ll Be. It should be required reading for any counseling professional.
In it, Bruni speaks to the mania we have created in college admission, and how so many students and families equate selectivity with value. When time and time again, that notion has proven to be false.
I’ve worked at two very different high schools. One where almost 100% of our students qualified for free or reduced lunch, and the other where almost no students qualify for that service. And get this…both populations are terrified about where they go to college.
Some (not all) of the underprivileged families I worked with wanted their kid to go to a name brand school because that’s the only kind of school that they had heard of, and thus perceived as valuable. And some (not all) of the privileged families I’ve worked with want their kid to go to a name brand school so they can tell all their friends that their kid goes to a name brand school.
But the key is this…how a kid goes to college is way more important than where a kid goes. So make sure to tell your students that their high school career, and all its wonderful achievements, is not supported or condemned by decisions from colleges. They didn’t do all of this to get into college. They did it to become better versions of themselves and to make the world a better place.
Extra Reading: Time Magazine Article About College Selections
Make Affordability Your Rallying Cry
I had a friend in college who loved Pepperdine. She made incredible friends and was involved in so many wonderful activities. It was the perfect fit for her.
But it actually wasn’t.
She didn’t get as much financial aid as she needed. But her parents told her not to worry, that they would figure it out. And they did. Until they couldn’t anymore.
The amount of sadness this friend felt having to leave Pepperdine was so intense, and so heartbreaking.
I always tell students and families that they don’t have to go to the cheapest school they get into, but it has to be affordable. That way a student doesn’t have to worry every month about whether they can stay where they are. And if they are worrying about that, then they are less likely to get invested in a community that they might have to leave at a moment’s notice.
So make affordability the most important thing you talk about with students. Help families realize that the financial aid they receive is just as important as the decision itself.
Extra Reading: Best Colleges Student Survey Shows Most Important Decision Factors
Be a Cheerleader, Not a Critic
I really struggle when I am working with a family and I know, proof positive, down in the depths of my soul, what is best for that kid. I know the school, and the program, that is going to motivate and fulfill that kid. And guess what happens more often than not?
They don’t even apply to that school.
Or even worse, they apply to that school, get into it, get great financial aid, and decide to go somewhere else, and somewhere else is typically more expensive.
I used to hate that. But me hating that decision was short sighted.
And that’s because I have known this family for a year or two tops, but that family has existed for generations. I don’t know what their core values are. I don’t know what trauma, educational, financial, or otherwise, that leads that family to make decisions. I don’t know what their true priorities are.
But that’s ok! It’s not my job to make a decision for a student and their family. It’s my job to make sure they are well informed before they make their decision. I shouldn’t talk them out of it unless asked to. I should simply present the facts, help the family, and be their cheerleader when they make the choice.
Set Boundaries
I am a morning person. I am the absolute best version of myself from about 4:30 AM to 12:30 PM. Outside of those hours, I am a walking zombie.
I also get e-mails. Lots of them. And I send even more. This is my 11th year at my current school, and I have, as of this moment, sent 86,262 e-mails from my work computer.
And for the first half or so of those, I was doing it all wrong.
When I would wake up at 4:30 AM in the morning, I would immediately go to my computer and check my e-mail. I did this because I loved the freedom of a clean inbox by the time I got to school, and so when a kid would randomly pop by my office, I would be happy to see them, instead of stressed to think about what they might need from me.
And then I got an e-mail from a student that I will never forget.
She said, ‘Why on earth are you sending me an e-mail at 4:47 in the morning?”
She nailed it. She was absolutely right. By sending e-mails that early in the morning, I was saying two things loudly and clearly. I was setting this crazy expectation for students to do something similar, or even check their e-mail at strange hours in case I reached out to them. And most damaging of all, I was showing students and families that I was willing to work at odd hours of the day, outside of the actual work day. It was not only damaging to me, but damaging to my colleagues who either couldn’t, or didn’t want to work outside of our normal hours.
But remember, I am a morning person, so I am still the best version of myself at 4:30 in the morning. But then I learned the magic of delay sending. I would simply compose the e-mail, and then schedule it to be sent at some point during the school day, not outside of it.
The work you do is hard. It’s underappreciated, and it’s underfunded, but it is so incredibly valued. And if you want to be able to do this for a long time, you have to set up healthy boundaries so you can be the best version of yourself. Not only for you, but for your students and families as well.
Extra Reading: How To: Microsoft Support Forum Article about Delay or Schedule Sending for Outlook
